Discovery - Cari'ssi'mi 5
by Joking611
Summary: Before and after of Shepard's assault on Virmire. Impact of Shepard's Virmire choice, and lead up to Ilos mission.
1. Chapter 1

The Normandy was never truly quiet. Sometimes it just seemed like it should make more noise than it did.

Sitting in the cockpit, looking out at the blue shifted stars wrapped in the swirling lightning of free hydrogen impacting the mass effect field, there was a deep sense of power, of motion. Such forces shouldn't be enfolded in silence. If anything, the ship should be wrapped in an eruption of sound, a symphony to the stars.

Joker belched.

Then again, perhaps there was something to be said for the elegance of silence.

Williams liked the pilot, and therefore found herself willing to endure his cursory adherence to military procedures. Also, despite the shortcomings she perceived that he had as a soldier, she'd learned that the man was more interesting company than Wrex. Ashley now spent much of her time up in the cockpit when she wasn't actually working on weapons and gear. There was an irony in their friendship. He was a soldier who couldn't soldier, she a soldier who was convinced that she couldn't soldier enough.

The companionship available to the chief in the cargo bay wasn't all that bad. She had grown to like Wrex over the last several weeks. He was a relentless fighter, and the Krogan had some good stories to tell, collected from hundreds of years of mercenary work. Unfortunately he wouldn't stop telling his favorite handful of stories again and again. On the other hand, despite not having been given a specific cause, she still didn't find herself trusting Vakarian all that much. He was pleasant enough, and they got along fine onboard ship; training, joking, and playing cards. Ashley's concern was that if the Turian couldn't handle following regs in C-Sec, then an Alliance warship was the last place he should be. So far he'd been an overall asset on missions, but Ashley was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, when the man would disobey an order and put the commander at risk.

Anyway, the view was a lot better up here, and certainly had more comfortable seating.

They were still an hour from the relay, and neither Ashley nor Joker had had much to say since the mission briefing.

Joker finally broke the silence with something that wasn't gas related. "That was intense. Shore leave didn't loosen the commander up at all."

"She was. It was a solid briefing" Ashley had been glad to see the Commander Shepard that she'd first met on Eden Prime re-emerge. The mission briefing had been short and to the point. Shepard had laid out a straightforward set of objectives; they were to eliminate any resistance, make contact with the STG team on the ground and provide assistance if necessary, engage Saren. Short and sweet, a typical Shepard briefing. Broad objectives with the specifics left until the op was underway. What could go wrong? Well, of course a great deal could go wrong, Ashley knew that. It was the nature of combat. Shepard obviously thought the probability was high that Saren was still on Virmire.

Ashley hoped that she would be selected for the ground team, but she knew that it was unlikely. Shepard typically brought Liara with her on ops these days, and then alternated between Wrex, Tali, or Garrus depending on if she wanted firepower, engineering talent, or a sharpshooter. Shepard almost never took one of the human squad members with her into the field anymore. Ashley couldn't understand it. For someone who'd lost her family to an alien assault, Shepard seemed to have no issue cozying up to the aliens on the Normandy. Ashley had talked with Lt. Alenko about it more than once. She assumed that he had to be equally unhappy as his primary field role as the biotic on the ground team had been taken by the commander's sweetheart. Amazingly he didn't seem to be bothered at all. Unlike Ashley, Alenko was fine with the extra downtime. Apparently the lieutenant didn't feel that he had anything to prove. She wished she knew what that felt like.

"Do you think this is it? That we'll get Saren this time?" Joker interrupted her train of thought.

Ashley looked over from her position in the copilot's chair. "I have no idea. We're not even certain he's on Virmire. He'd already come and gone when we'd gotten to Feros and Noveria. All I know is that mission or not, I'm not going to stop until I make him pay for what he did on Eden Prime."

Joker was quiet again, probably unwilling to bring up the loss of "her" squad in that battle.

A renewed silence settled over the two. They continued to watch as the relay, one point of light among many, finally started to show enough motion against the sidereal backdrop to be identified as their destination.

Joker was the first to speak again. "So what if we do get him this time? Or the next? You know we'll get him eventually. What will you do then?"

Ashley took a while to respond. "I'm not sure." She paused again, "I'm grateful to be on the Normandy, and I can't imagine I'll ever get a more high profile assignment no matter how this mission turns out. Still, the only reason there was room for me on the billet was because Corporal Jenkins was killed."

"That's not really an answer."

Ashley considered her words carefully. "The Normandy is amazing, but I'm not sure I really fit in here. I just know I'll never get another shipboard posting if I leave."

"The commander did ask for you. That has to count for something, even if she does rub you the wrong way."

"Shepard doesn't rub me the wrong way. It's a privilege to serve under her! The commander has already had a distinguished career, and she's not even thirty! Look at all she's accomplished, even if you don't include the fact that she's the first Human spectre. This ship, this crew, they're going to become equally distinguished, if not famous."

"But you don't agree with her choices when to comes to the squad. You'd rather she stuck with you and Lt. Alenko."

Ashley sighed. "I'm not a xenophobe Jeff. I just don't think we can trust the Council races blindly."

"So it's just Liara that you don't like."

"Don't go there. There isn't anyone on the ship who doesn't seem to adore the blueberry. She's fine, I guess. I just don't like the effect she has on the commander."

"She's saved the commander more than once. Her biotics are amazing. I'd only heard of singularity, I've never actually seen anyone able to toss them around like she does."

"Don't forget she's saved my life too. I know Liara's capable, and that she's been useful as a Prothean expert. Those reasons aren't why she's still here, and you can see that as well as I can. Shepard would have dropped her off on the Citadel to make her own way home long before now if she were any other civilian." She paused before adding, "There's a reason there are regs against fraternization with subordinates."

"Technically Liara isn't under Shepard's command. If anything, she bosses the commander around. I have vids."

"Wrex, Tali, and Garrus aren't under her command either, but they're effectively noncoms as far as the shipboard TO is concerned. They have shipboard responsibilities, and work daily with the Alliance crew. That's unconventional sure, but it works, and the crew know how to interact with them based on that. Liara spends all her time in the lab. The crew really only see her at meals and when she's training with the squad - training which is mostly one on one with Shepard these days. So, what do you do when the commander's girlfriend gives you an order?"

Joker grinned. "There are lots of orders I wouldn't mind taking from her."

Ashley closed her eyes as she reminded herself this was why she usually refrained from trying to have a serious conversation with a man nicknamed "Joker". "You know what I mean."

Joker turned his flight couch to face Ashley, something he hadn't done up to this point. "I do know what you mean. Am I comfortable with it? Not really. But Liara's never been anything but kind to me, which is more than I can say about most of my "colleagues" in the Alliance Navy. I wouldn't be in this chair now if I hadn't been willing to break regs, and the only reason I'm not cooling my heels in a brig somewhere is because a Turian general went to bat for the pilot who couldn't even stand without crutches. So again, am I thrilled? No. Am I going to call Shepard out about it? Not on your life. Liara's a strong member of the team. So what if she and the commander make googly eyes at each other?"

"You know "so what". Someday the commander is going to have to choose between completing the mission and a member of the squad. How do you think she'll choose if that means sacrificing Liara?"

"She'd do it." Joker didn't hesitate.

"You can't know that."

"She'd sacrifice herself instead if she could, but if she can't, she'll still put the mission first. She'll never forgive herself, but she'll do it. Don't think it wouldn't go the other way either. Liara would walk through the gates of hell for Shepard, probably scanning it for Prothean artifacts the whole way."

Ashley smiled for a moment at the imagery before the thought struck her that Joker may very well be right. In fact, she'd never had a CO that was more informally familiar with the people under her command than Shepard. The commander was always walking the ship, asking questions, making comments. She didn't ever seem to reveal anything about herself, but she had a way of pulling some fairly personal information out of her crew. As close as she was to her crew, it must tear her apart when she lost someone. That didn't make any sense either. Ashley would have imagined that an officer with Shepard's background would be closed off from her subordinates. Ashley had of course never had access to Shepard's service record, but as a vanguard she had probably operated solo for a significant portion of her career. She likely never had more than one or two people under her command at a time until she became XO of the Normandy. That would explain her inclination towards small team field tactics, but not how she'd developed her rather _unique_ leadership style. Maybe she'd learned it from Captain Anderson.

Or maybe she simply considered her crew to be her family.

"You know Joker, I believe you." Ashley finally commented after a time. She was amazed that she spoke the truth.

"Everybody should. I am a fountain of knowledge."

"You're a fountain of something all right."

"Oh that's great, pick on the cripple."

"Funny how you only say that when you're trying for sympathy."

"Did it work?"

"Has it ever worked with me?"

"Today might be my day."

"We could test your theory. Wanna arm wrestle?"

Joker turned back towards his console with a pout. "Not really."

Ashley climbed up out of the copilot's chair and took one more look outside before turning towards the CIC. "I think I'm going to turn in. I can still get 6 hours rack time before the mission."

"You're not going to stay for transition? It's quite the show."

She put her hand on Joker's shoulder as she passed. "I've seen it before, and I'm sure I'll see it again. I hope to be asleep in my pod well before we make it to the relay." She walked out of the cockpit.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Shepard put down her mug, having to slide a plate out of the way to do so. She briefly considered having a third cup of coffee, but put the idea out of her mind.

She looked around the table. Wrex caught her attention, as he was still eating, the only word that came to her mind was "vigorously". Kaidan, like her, was behind a small pile of dirty plates, and was talking with Garrus, going over the preliminary scans of Virmire. Tali was sitting between Garrus and Liara, but primarily paying attention to Garrus. She hadn't come to eat of course, but she was so social that she never missed an opportunity to join one of the squad's meals. She leaned around the Turian from time to time to provide her input on the data Kaidan was showing him.

The commander's gaze continued sweeping the table. Liara was... Liara. Sapphire eyes looked back at her over a cup of tea, _judgingly_? That was new. She hadn't said anything to Sarah this morning, but Shepard couldn't shake the feeling that Liara was upset with her. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but the next opportunity probably wouldn't be until after the mission - unless they discussed it during the drop. Shepard grinned inwardly at what Ashley would say about that if she were the unlucky third person in the mako during _that_ conversation.

That thought caused the commander's eyes to fall on the last member of the squad, Chief Williams. The chief was also nursing a cup of coffee, but her eyes were on Liara. For a change, such a stare didn't accompany a sour look. If anything, Ashley was looking at the maiden appraisingly, as if she wasn't certain what she could do. Shepard cocked her head for a moment, as she tried to ascertain the cause of the chief's potential change of heart. Williams got along well enough with Wrex, Tali, and Garrus, but she'd never warmed up to Liara, even after being on missions together. Sarah hoped this might signal a turning point in Ashley's relationship with the Asari. She acknowledged that she had an ulterior motive for the team to get along with Liara, a motive that likely was the cause of the issue Williams had with the Asari in the first place.

Enough of this. Time to get moving. She straightened herself slightly in her chair as she tapped the table with her finger. "Listen up."

Conversation quickly died around the table.

"We're about 90 minutes to drop, and we have some fresh intel. STG is still on the ground, but not answering comm. There is an extensive air defense system in place, which the ground team will have to take out before the Normandy can land. No new info about Saren, but we are facing his forces, so I expect to primarily see Geth, with occasional mercenaries. Any questions?"

Tali spoke first. "If the defenses are a threat to the Normandy, how will Joker get close enough to make the drop?"

"We can drop the Mako from as high as low orbit if we have to." She waited for the collective groans of the team to die down. Drops were the only thing they complained about more than her driving. "We just prefer not to. The Mako is defenseless in the air, so the lower the drop, the better. Joker believes he can get us in below the enemy radar, which means a _very_ low drop, but it will still have to be well beyond their security perimeter. That gives us a lot of ground to cover, and most of it through Saren controlled territory."

Garrus was next. "Why bring the ship down at all?"

"We haven't scanned any Salarian ships, so either STG was dropped and left, or their ship was destroyed. Either way, they'll need pickup. There's only so much hop available to the Mako even with the mass effect fields on full. So since we're picking them up anyway we might as well land as opposed to a series of near ground rendezvous maneuvers collecting the STG team two at a time.

Kaidan finally asked what was really the only question everyone cared about. "Who's going to be on the ground team?"

"The initial assault will be outdoors, with limited cover, but long approaches. We expect Geth and Blood Pack, which means mechs and Krogan. I'll want a biotic for Krogan control. The long approaches will mean the the Geth won't be very susceptible to engineering threats, nor to pure firepower. That means sniper."

Wrex and Kaidan sat back in their seats. The commander was diplomatic about it, but they both knew which biotic she would choose. Tali also relaxed when the need for an engineer was dismissed. The squad accepted that this would be another Liara / Garrus mission, like more than half of the away missions so far.

Shepard turned to Williams. "How's your aim, Chief? Not rusty I hope."

The chief's head snapped around. "Ma'am? No Ma'am."

Shepard's voice stepped down slightly. "Ashley, we haven't had a lot of luck so far, but I think Saren's down there. So long as there's a chance he's on Virmire, I can't think of anyone else who deserves an opportunity to take the shot more than you. What do you say Chief?"

"YES MA'AM!" There probably wasn't anyone on the Normandy who didn't hear Ashley's response.

Shepard smiled at the enthusiasm. She looked up into the air over the mess table. "Joker?"

"Yes Commander?" came the reply from the cockpit. Joker didn't even maintain the illusion that he didn't listen in on what was going on in the ship anymore.

"Lay in your approach vector and start your run. Activate stealth systems at your discretion."

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard's eyes swept the table one last time. "Let's go." She rose and started toward the elevator to the cargo bay. Ashley and Liara followed a pace behind.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

The ride was unusually turbulent as the Normandy cruised through the lower atmosphere of Virmire. As Joker often took glee in pointing out, the ship wasn't invisible to the naked eye with stealth systems engaged, just undetectable by sensors. Despite that limitation, there was no reason to announce their presence to the enemy with a series of sonic booms. Accordingly, the Normandy was traveling at a leisurely 305 m/s, or about mach .8 in Virmire's 0.9 atmospheres.

Despite the rattling, and the jarring drop yet to come, Ashley was as relaxed as she could remember being in a long time. She held her Volkov almost tenderly, as one might hold a pet. Today was going to be a good day.

She looked across the cabin at Liara, and received a nod in return. Ashley had wryly noticed at breakfast that at no time in their rather informal mission commencement had Shepard even named Liara to the op, she'd just followed Ashley and Shepard to the cargo bay. Also, the pair had completed their ritual of helping each other into their armor with their typically effortless efficiency, but atypically had done so without a word. Even now, the chatter between the two that Ashley was used to hearing over comm on the Normandy was absent. Shepard looked relaxed but ready at the controls, and Liara was looking straight ahead, no doubt practicing one of her Asari meditation exercises. Was there finally strife between the lovebirds? Ashley was surprised to not find herself hoping so, but she nonetheless admitted that she wouldn't mind if the Shepard - T'Soni relationship was finally starting to show some wear around the edges.

Joker's voice came over comm, "30 seconds to drop."

Shepard didn't look up when she replied. "Acknowledged. Ready to drop."

Ashley locked her rifle to her armor, and pressed herself against her seat while tightening her restraints. Drops were the only time she was jealous of her biotic teammates. Even retracted, her rifle pressed against her body from hip to shoulder, and she didn't relish the bruise she'd have when they returned to the Normandy. Sometimes she thought it would be nice to have your most powerful weapon under your skin instead of digging into it.

Joker counted down the last few seconds to release "...3 ...2 ...1 ...DROP!"

Ashley's stomach tightened as the Mako was released from the Normandy. Even with the mass effect fields engaged, the drops still felt like free fall. They only decreased the energy of the impact, not the rate of descent. The 100 meter drop should take a little less than 5 seconds, accounting for lateral movement. Even as Ashley counted them off in her head, each one felt like minutes.

The impact of the Mako into the wet sand of the coastline was more muted than usual, but still jolted Ashley's rifle into her back. With a practiced motion she slapped her restraint release, and moved to the mako's hatch. The hatch was open before the vehicle was finished with the first bounce, and she had her boots in the water the moment the mako rolled to a stop.

Immediately her sensor net informed her of the targeting laser painting her shoulder. She rolled to her left, around behind the mako, unslinging her rifle as she moved. She swung it to her shoulder as she emerged on the opposite side of the vehicle, the direction provided by the Geth sniper's aborted shot allowing her to target the mech and drop it before it realized it was even under attack. The Geth unit fell face first into the muck with a modest splash.

Small arms fire started peppering her shields with enough force for her to be aware of them, but not enough power to be a real threat at this range. She had just started to move to a more advantageous position when Liara strode up alongside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. With a wave of her arm the maiden produced a potent singularity just above and behind the boulders that a trio of Geth troopers were using for cover. The troopers were drawn up and backwards to flail helplessly in the grip of Liara's focused gravitational field. Ashley took her time lining up her shots, dispatching each of the Geth with a single shot before the singularity evaporated. She grinned at Liara and received an acknowledging nod in return.

Shepard's voice rang out from inside the mako. "That's it Chief. No other Geth on scanners. Back in here you two and we'll get moving. The Normandy's scan reported pockets of Geth all along this series of canyons."

Liara started back to the hatch while Ashley followed. She glanced back over her shoulder looking at their handiwork appraisingly.

Yes, today was definitely going to be a good day.

* * *

A/N: Assumptions here include:  
FemShep/Liara (Not yet LI)  
Later ME1 - after Feros, Noveria, and "Obligations" (Sorry, it probably makes more sense to read Obligations first)  
Before/During/After Virmire

Shepard is:  
Colonist / Vanguard / War Hero

Apparently, I am no longer capable of writing a single chapter story. No worries, the second (and final) chapter is partially complete, and then we can move on to "Connections", which might come in shorter than originally planned, as some of that story will now be in chapter 2 of "Discovery"...

As always, feedback is welcome and desired.


	2. Chapter 2

Lieutenant Commander Sarah Jane Shepard was an Alliance vanguard. When she wasn't clinging to her typical self depreciating humility, she could admit to herself that she was a damn good one - one of the best. She'd come out on top against overwhelming odds, been victorious in what had been considered unwinnable situations, and had defeated enemies that far outclassed her.

Her biotic capability was a large contributor to her wild success as a vanguard. Her biotics were exceptionally strong, and were primarily combat oriented. Her proficiency with a pistol was second to none, preventing her from being defenseless during cooldown periods. As a younger officer she'd typically had no difficulty racking up a body count on missions equal to or larger than the rest of her squad, and sometimes even her entire platoon.

But not today.

Today she'd had to struggle for every hit, fight for every kill. She was panting, and her legs were burning from exertion. Her hair was sweat soaked, plastered to her head from Virmire's brutal heat and humidity. She was running at full speed towards the enemy, hoping she would get there in time.

She didn't.

A biotic lift from behind her yanked a pair of Geth troopers out of cover, where Chief Williams effortlessly picked them off with her rifle before they were even a body length from the ground.

"Dammit Ash!" Shepard shouted in a voice that held no malice as she yelled back over her shoulder. "You need to leave me some!"

"You just have to work harder for it Commander!" came the reply. "Do you need a break?"

As she continued to race ahead of her teammates she passed a fork in the canyon that contained a Geth rocket trooper less than 50 meters away from her. 'Finally,' she thought. She pivoted sharply on her right foot as she launched herself at the threat. She sidestepped the rocket fired her way when she had changed direction while unleashing a warp at the trooper. She followed up quickly with carnage, and by the time she reached the Geth's position, shotgun at the ready, she found herself standing in a smoking pile of sputtering electronics grinning like a madwoman. She was loving every minute of this.

She started to trot back towards the main canyon just as Ashley and Liara rounded the corner into view.

"Oh look, the commander got one. Good for her." Ashley's sarcastic tone included a mild echo from the canyon walls as she spoke loud enough for Shepard to hear. "I think that makes six for her today."

"Five," corrected Liara.

"And that's compared to our...?" Ashley's voice trailed off.

"Fifty seven," completed the maiden.

"You're keeping count?" came Shepard's response as she regrouped with the pair.

"Obviously," replied Liara.

"Someone has to keep your ego in check Commander," continued Ashley.

"I didn't realize that it was becoming a problem," growled Shepard in return. Her eyes swept up and down the canyon. "That's it?"

"That's all in this area Skipper," replied Ashley. "If you're tired you can wait here while we run back and get the mako."

"I'll show you 'tired' Marine. Double time back to the mako." Shepard charged between them as she took off towards their vehicle, parked several hundred meters away with only the nose visible around a curve of the canyon. Shepard listened as the conversation continued behind her.

"The commander seems displeased that we have dispatched more Geth than she has," mentioned Liara as they started running after Shepard.

"Nah, she's just used to having the highest body count," Ashley looked at Liara appraisingly, not for the first time today. "This terrain favors our fighting style more than hers."

"She is also a biotic."

Ashley noticed that the maiden's reply had included nothing that might be construed as criticism of Shepard. Whatever was going on between them couldn't be that bad then. "She's a biotic who prefers to get in your face," Ashley glanced at Liara again to make sure she understood the idiom. "You use ranged attacks, which happen to go very well with this," she slapped her Volkov. "I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often when she has you and Garrus with her."

"I do not believe that I have ever combined my talents with Garrus' in this manner. Certainly never against enemies hundreds of meters away. Usually I work to find a way to augment Shepard's biotic abilities with my own. Our engagements during this mission have been... unique in my experience."

"Yah. We've really had the commander racing all over the place today. Probably doesn't help that she runs funny."

"I can hear you back there Chief!"

"Yes Ma'am!"

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

 _'All good things must come to an end,'_ reflected Ashley as she hunkered down behind some machinery for a moment to allow her shields to recharge. It wasn't often that they got a break in the middle of a mission, but between Wrex' hissy fit and the bombastic Captain Kirrahe, their time at the Salarian camp had practically been an afternoon off.

Unfortunately, the second half of their mission hadn't been nearly as much fun as the first. Once the battle had moved among structures, and eventually indoors, the commander's preferred set of tactics had allowed her to quickly surpass her and Liara's number of kills. It seemed that Shepard had taken the earlier teasing harder than Ashley had expected. The spectre had been extravagant, almost foolishly ostentatious in her technique at the start of the assault on Saren's base. More than once the chief had seen Shepard firing in one direction while targeting her biotics in another. Liara had moved forward to support Shepard, but had found herself with remarkably little to do. The maiden seemed to have to push herself hard just to keep her place next to Shepard at the pace the spectre had initially set.

Speaking of, Ashley left her cover and sprinted to catch up with Shepard and Liara.

"Eighty four, eighty five, eighty six!" she heard the commander shout out from in front of her as soon as Shepard realized she was back in earshot. That was definitely a habit the chief was going to get tired of if it continued. Apparently the first Human spectre _did_ have a bit of an ego after all.

Clearing the complex had taken some effort, not all of it physical. Meeting the indoctrinated Salarians had been... difficult. To lose control of your own mind, to be a prisoner in your own body, Ashley couldn't imagine a worse fate. It had shaken her to her core. The encounter with Sovereign had been even more unsettling than finding out the details about indoctrination. Ashley was surprised, and not by the body count the commander had reached. As compassionate as Shepard seemed to be, the chief had expected that the spectre's performance would have been hampered by the day's discoveries, but Ashley had seen no indication of such. It appeared that the commander had been able to shake off both events. Ashley didn't see how.

Perhaps it was the strength she'd had to develop after losing her family, or maybe Shepard simply focused on the positive. She _had_ gone out of her way to save everyone she could. The apparently unindoctrinated Salarian, the Asari scientist, both had been happy to see Shepard, and grateful for their release. Or maybe, maybe Liara had another influence on the commander than just the one Ashley found so irritating. Shepard had practically leaned on Liara after the encounter with the Prothean beacon, barely getting her head together before Sovereign's appearance. Now, even as they were picking off Geth hoppers on the approach to the rendezvous point with the Normandy, Shepard kept Liara in close quarters, almost near enough to touch. The commander looked to her often, nearly always getting a reassuring look in return. _'Are they always like this?'_ Ashley suddenly wished she'd been on more missions with the pair.

One last door and the team broke into the area near the geothermal taps that Kirrahe had targeted as the optimal location for their ordinance. They were in the area for only minutes before the Normandy appeared in the sky, swooping into a fast landing and opening the cargo ramp practically at their feet. Joker always was a damn showoff. Ashley had been the officer trained on the weapon's detonator by the STG ordinance tech. Once the ramp was down Shepard waved her up to collect the weapon. She quickly scrambled up and retrieved the bomb from the cargo bay, then placed it almost under the nose of the Normandy with the assistance of one of Kaidan's marines.

She had just reported same to the commander when Kaidan's voice burst from out from comm.

"Commander, can you read me?"

"Get to the rendezvous point Alenko" came Shepard's reply.

"Negative Commander," Kaidan's voice was difficult to hear over the sound of enemy fire. "The Geth have us pinned down on the AA tower."

The commander switched channels. "Get them out of there Joker."

Kaidan cut through again, his voice loud enough to be heard over the din of battle, yet still oddly calm. "Negative, it's too hot. We can't risk the ship. We'll hold them off as long as we..." The transmission cut off.

The mission was over if they lost control of the AA tower. Shepard _had_ to reinforce the STG team. Ashley spoke up. "It's okay Commander. I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb." It wasn't true, but what the hell. "Go get them and escort them back here. I can hold this position."

Ashley squirmed as the commander locked eyes with her. The moment lasted seconds, but felt much longer. _'Could the commander tell I was lying?'_ Finally Shepard turned to Liara, and motioned to Wrex who was at the top of the cargo ramp. "Up to the AA tower! Move people!"

The commander, Liara, and Wrex charged to the door on their left. Ashley had a good view of the trio as they engaged a combination of Krogan and Geth. She considered trying to assist with her rifle, but her vantage point was poor, and she didn't want to risk shooting between members of the team. They didn't appear to need much help anyway. It took no time at all for the commander and the rest to clear the room and make it to the elevator on the far side. Once the elevator door closed Ashley suddenly felt alone and exposed, despite the oppressive bulk of the Normandy hanging over her and Garrus providing cover from the top of the cargo ramp.

Less than a minute passed before things suddenly got interesting. A Geth troopship appeared on the far side of the Normandy and started disgorging troops. At least the troopship was unarmed, and the Normandy wasn't at risk from small arms fire. She looked up at Garrus and the pair of marines in the cargo bay. The ship was facing the wrong way. From their position they wouldn't be much use until the Geth were almost on top of her. Garrus' look was questioning anyway, and Ashley knew what he was asking. She shook her head. The security of the Normandy came first. They couldn't leave their position without leaving the bay undefended. Ashley was repositioning herself with her back to the bomb when Kaidan cut in on comm again. "Heads up Chief, We just spotted a troop ship headed to your location."

Ashley rolled her eyes. _'Just in the nick of time LT,'_ she thought. "It's already here. There's Geth pouring out all over the bomb site."

It was true. There were a lot of Geth. She heard the commander's voice even as she started reevaluating her chances downward. "Can you hold them off?"

Ashley wet her lips before replying. "There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here." She took a breath. "I'm activating the bomb."

"What the hell are you doing Williams?" The commander's voice was a mixture of shock and urgency.

She picked off some of the closest Geth. "I'm just making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what." Easy enough. The timer was a simple keypad. Once she'd set the delay she smashed the controls with the butt of her rifle. All that worked now was the countdown display. After reassuring herself that the timer was still counting down, she continued. "It's done Commander." She punctuated each word with a rifle shot. "Go get Alenko and get the hell out of here."

Alenko cut in, sounding vaguely indignant "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Williams."

There was a long pause before the commander came back on comm. Or was it her? She lined up another shot. "Alenko, contact Joker and tell him to meet us on the AA tower."

Alenko started to object before Ashley interrupted. "It's the right choice, and you know it LT."

There was a click as Shepard switched over to a private channel. "I'm sorry Ash. I had to make a choice."

The chief couldn't suppress a smile as she replied. "I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing." She didn't. She'd been living on borrowed, no stolen time since Eden Prime anyway. _'Never leave someone behind indeed.'_ Ashley intended to have words with the other members of the 212 about that when she saw them again.

The cargo hatch was rising as the Normandy lifted off. She couldn't spare a hand to return the salutes from Garrus and the marines, but she acknowledged them with a nod. She quickly became impatient for the Normandy to get out of her line of fire. The further away she could keep the Geth from her position, the longer she could hold out. She needed to minimize the time they'd have access to the device before detonation. The casing was hardened, and the bomb would be nearly impossible to destroy outright by anything less than Sovereign itself. That didn't mean a Geth couldn't disarm it if given enough time. She intended to make sure they wouldn't have that time.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Saren was here.

Shepard had thought that alone would have made this mission worthwhile. The intelligence she gathered from her dialog with the Turian had only served to strengthen her belief. Saren had been so talkative. She'd thought she might be able to convince him, sway him from his conviction. He seemed so rational, so willing to hear her side of the discourse that she unknowingly fell into the same trap as Benezia had, thinking the Turian only needed the right persuasion to come back to the her side. Then he attacked.

After the following battle, she reevaluated her opinion as the rogue spectre held her suspended over the edge of the building.

Fortunately, she was able to overcome that mild complication with a right hook.

Saren bounded away as the Normandy approached. Either he didn't like his odds, or Sovereign warned him of the bomb.

Shepard scrambled up the ramp as the Normandy hovered at the edge of the building. She turned to lay suppressing fire as Kaidan and the survivors of the STG team ran towards the safety of the Normandy. Her position allowed her to shoot over the heads of the team, and also made her the more tempting target, providing relief to the Salarians.

As soon as the last Salarian set foot on the ramp she yelled out to Joker, "Joker, take us down to..." She was interrupted by Garrus putting his hand on her shoulder. She turned to the Turian, the sharp retort on her lips dashed by the look on his face as he shook his head.

"Commander?" came the questioning tone from the cockpit.

"Get us out of here Joker. Best possible speed."

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Ashley still had the smile on her face as she saw the Normandy pull away in a nearly vertical climb. Joker would get them clear, she was certain of it.

She was tired, and she hurt. She lined up another shot from her position using the bomb as cover. She glanced at the timer. She could rest now, and just await the inevitable, even the closest Geth would never reach her. She just didn't have it in her to do it, not while she still had ammunition, while her weapons still functioned. She saw that some more Krogan mercenaries had joined the Geth. She ignored them. They also could never close the distance in time to be a threat. She focused instead on the closest of the Geth, and continued to pick them off one after another.

When the blast finally took her, tears of joy were streaming down her cheeks, and her face ached from smiling so hard, for so long. Even as the base was vaporized, she was pulling the trigger on an enemy, personally ridding the galaxy of one more thing that did not belong in the universe she thought should be.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Kaidan was lamenting Ashley's death during the debriefing. "I can't believe that Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there?"

Shepard knew Kaidan was essentially questioning one of her orders but she let him grieve. "Williams knew the risks going in. She gave her life to save the rest of us." She didn't add that Ashley had probably been happy to do so. She'd never forgiven herself for Eden Prime.

Kaidan couldn't let it go. "But why me? Why not her?"

"It wasn't your call. It was mine. I chose you." She could continue that he hadn't been the only one rescued, that the STG team was also aboard because of her choice, and in fact the Normandy herself was probably intact because of her decision not to let their position at the AA tower fall, but she knew there was no point. Kaidan was in no mental condition to hear it.

The lieutenant shook his head, not allowing Shepard to alleviate his burden. "If I'd done my job, you wouldn't have had to make that call."

Shepard tried another path. "It wasn't your fault. If you're looking for someone to blame, blame Saren."

Kaidan hung his head. "Yes Ma'am. I, I'm... We'll get it done."

Shepard waited until it seemed that Kaidan had pulled himself together enough for the debrief to continue. She was just about to proceed when Liara spoke up.

"Commander. Excuse me for interrupting, but I have an idea. I think the beacon we found in Saren's base was similar to the one on Eden Prime. It may have contained the missing pieces of your vision. I might be able to help you put those pieces together."

Shepard looked to Alenko, trying to see if she needed more of her attention. The man seemed to be all right for the moment. She looked to Liara as she rose. "You want to join our minds again? I'm ready." Shepard was relieved to hear Liara make the suggestion. It had been a rough day, one of the worst of her career. She'd needed to know that Liara wasn't still angry with her over whatever it was. If nothing else, perhaps the meld would help with the headache she'd had since the beacon. Liara had been the only thing to help with the last one too.

Liara rose to join Shepard in the middle of the comm room. Shepard took a deep breath as Liara told her to relax, with the now familiar instruction to 'embrace eternity'.

The maiden's eyes went black, and for Shepard, the room went black as well.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Liara was getting used to these sojourns into Sarah's mind, although she still found it exhausting after the fact. She had never melded with non-Asari before Sarah, and the Human hadn't yet learned how not to resist the alien presence entering her psyche.

As before, the Prothean imposed memories were at the highest levels of Sarah's mind. She sank through them, recognizing several from her earlier melds, but also encountering new ones. They were just as powerful as previously, but no more recognizable. She needed to filter them through the Cipher. Liara went deeper.

Liara found herself in an open area. This was more familiar territory. The vistas offered into Sarah's mind were similar to when she'd melded with other Asari, just with less structure and no areas restricted by privacy. Liara would have blushed if she'd been able. Sarah was completely open to her.

She "walked" around, looking for indications that would lead her to the Cipher. She skirted past regions that held memories with a strong emotional component. The memory of Virmire was a raw, gaping wound. Those thoughts were easily recognized and quickly avoided. The Cipher would have been pure data, with no additional context.

There were many such areas. Dark regions associated with memories of family, battles lost, fallen comrades. Most of these were older memories, and Liara did not focus on them.

There were brighter areas as well. Many were associated with her time on the Normandy. Several were memories of time spent with Captain Anderson. One was a memory of their dinner together on Thessia.

Liara came upon the brightest area yet, and encountered _herself_. Not the self she saw in the mirror every morning, but an enhanced, upgraded version. This Asari was physical perfection, and moved through the landscape with certainty and purpose. She radiated intelligence and competence. She carried a pistol, yet wore a human style lab coat and glasses. Liara briefly wondered what kept them perched on her face. Her aurals would provide no assistance on that score. This obviously wasn't a memory, yet held a position of some great importance in Sarah's mind. _'Is this a fantasy? Is this how Sarah really sees me?'_ Liara was simultaneously embarrassed and overjoyed. Her excitement almost broke the meld. There were a few ways this could be interpreted, but she knew in her heart which it was. She wished she could risk contacting Sarah's consciousness, but that was a depth to which she wasn't yet willing to go. That would mean sharing her own thoughts and memories, and was a level of intimacy she wasn't ready for yet - at least not in front of the squad.

Liara forced herself to continue onwards, and didn't take much longer to reach the Cipher. She immersed herself in it, and thus wrapped, lifted herself back to the first memories she had encountered. They now seemed almost childlike in their simplicity.

Liara's head snapped back as she broke the meld, only seconds having passed. She swooned for a moment. Fortunately, she had been in mild distress the last two times she had melded with Shepard. It wouldn't be obvious to the room that her response this time was for an entirely different reason. "Incredible. I... I never thought the images would be so... intense." That was an understatement. She carefully didn't identify which images. "I need a moment to collect myself."

Shepard gave her that moment, and more as she scrutinized the maiden. Something... had happened. She wasn't sure what, but this meld had been different somehow. "Did the vision make any sense to you?"

Liara focused on the bulkhead behind the commander. "It is a distress call. A message sent out across the Prothean Empire. It was a warning against the Reapers, but the warning came too late."

Shepard prompted "What about the Conduit?"

Liara looked down as she replayed the memories she had accessed. "There were other images. Locations, places I recognized from my research... Ilos! The Conduit is on Ilos! That is why Saren needed to find the Mu Relay! It is the only way to get to Ilos."

Shepard cocked her head. "How come you never mentioned Ilos before?"

Liara was earnest in her reply. "The Mu Relay links dozens of systems and hundreds of worlds. How was I to know Ilos was the one we wanted? Without the Cipher the images in your visions were never clear. Only now do I recognize them as landmarks from Ilos."

Shepard took a deep breath. "Thank goodness you were here. Who else would recognize landmarks from a Prothean world? We need to get to Ilos."

Liara was floored. She was going to Ilos! She never dreamed that she would set foot on one of the Prothean regional capitals! She was so focused that she barely heard Tali reminding the commander that an Alliance frigate would not be welcome in the Terminus systems. Shepard reiterated Ilos as their next destination, causing Liara's heart to skip a beat. She couldn't remember having been so excited, but logic prevailed. "Saren will have his entire fleet orbiting Ilos. We will never make it to the surface without reinforcements. We must start with the Council. We will need a fleet to..." She swayed as her exuberance caught up with her.

Shepard immediately stepped from standing in front of her to bedside her. "Are you all right?"

Liara turned to look at Shepard. "I am sorry. The joining was... exhausting. I should go lie down for a moment."

Shepard nodded. "Dr. Chakwas should have a look at you."

Liara shook her head. "I just need to rest for a moment."

"Are you sure?" The concern in Shepard's voice was apparent.

"I am," replied the maiden, as she turned to head to her quarters, her mind full of a great deal of new information that she needed to process.

As the door opened to the CIC, she could hear Shepard ordering Joker to get the Council on comm. The lieutenant's voice sounded dull and lifeless, but the hatch closed behind her before she could make out his reply.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

It was getting late.

The commander had been making her post mission rounds. It was not unexpected that with the loss of Chief Williams, the time she spent with each crew member was much longer than usual. The crew was also atypically restless tonight. It seemed each member of the team had needed someone to confide in after talking to the commander. Garrus was in engineering talking with Tali, Kaidan was sharing stories about Ashley to Kirrahe and the STG team, and even Pressly was in the cargo bay toasting Ashley with Wrex, using a bottle of ryncol that the Krogan has smuggled aboard. Liara was still surprised about that last.

Shepard had been in the cockpit with Joker for over an hour. Dr. Chakwas was leaning against the doorway to Liara's lab. The women had been chatting with each other, but both were really waiting for Shepard. Liara was the only member of the team that Shepard hadn't yet been to see.

The pair finally heard telltale hiss of the medbay hatch. Liara noticed that so certain was Chakwas of who had entered the medbay, she didn't even turn around. Seconds later the commander strode by Chakwas without a word. Instead of engaging either doctor in conversation Shepard simply threw herself face down onto Liara's cot.

The maiden locked eyes with Chakwas. Her wide eyed look conveyed her question without a word. _'What do I do?'_

Dr. Chakwas' reply was equally silent, simply a head nod towards the commander. _'Go to her.'_ The hatch closed as Chakwas backed out of the lab on her way to check on Joker.

Liara rose from her desk and quietly walked over to kneel down next to Sarah. She reached out to gently take Sarah's hand, only to have it sharply pulled back, and Sarah turn away from her.

Liara started to stand, not certain what to do with the unexpected rejection, but willing to let the commander have her privacy. Then she stopped. _'She does not want privacy,'_ Liara chided herself. _'She does not want to be alone. If she did, why would she be here? She could have had solitude in her own cabin. She wanted companionship, comfort. You know whose cabin she's in, who she came to for solace. You even know how she feels. She simply does not know how to express those feelings. Not yet.'_

Thus emboldened, Liara sat down on the edge of the cot to try again. Instead of attempting to take Sarah's hand, this time she gently reached out for Sarah's hair. She closed her eyes as she touched it. It was as luxurious as she always imagined it would be. When her touch brought no response, she gently started stroking the copper colored strands.

It took some time, but Sarah's shuddering breaths finally eased. Liara didn't stop until well after her commander had fallen asleep.

* * *

A/N: Assumptions here include:  
FemShep/Liara (Not yet LI)  
Later ME1 - after Feros, Noveria, and "Obligations" (Sorry, it probably makes sense to read Obligations first)  
Before/During/After Virmire

Shepard is:  
Colonist / Vanguard / War Hero

And so ends my first story that actually covers a canon event. I truncated some of the dialog from the game, and actually called out the fact that the Normandy was _right there_ when Ashley was attacked (as well as why she didn't get any help). I've had a lot of feedback about the fact that she was my obvious Virmire casualty, but I did my best to give her a reasonably worthy death scene.

 **This story is continued in "Connections".**

As always, feedback is welcome and desired.


End file.
